5 Smart Ways to Make and Keep New Friends

Remember hanging out after school with friends? Your pals were always close by for chatting, laughing and acting silly. But as we get older, job and life changes can chip away at our circle of buddies.

Spending time with friends may not always feel like a top priority, but it is important for your health and happiness. Loneliness and social isolation can stress us out and increase our risk of dementia, depression, heart disease, stroke and even an early death, according to a 2023 advisory from the U.S. surgeon general. Being socially connected, on the other hand, can support brain health and make us feel good.

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If your social circle has shrunk over the years, try these five tips to start reaching out and connecting to new friends.

1. Be patient and persistent. Just like dating, making friends takes time and involves a little trial and error. Don’t be discouraged if things don’t click with your first catch. Keep putting yourself out there. Psychology researchers have studied the “proximity principle,” the tendency of people to befriend those they’re around the most. Frequenting your favorite restaurants, shops, classes and parks and chatting with other regulars can be a great way to forge connections.
2. Open up. We move from acquaintance to friendship by letting people in. So just be yourself: genuine, flawed. Share your fears, your likes and dislikes. And ask for help when you need it. “Friends make us happy if they make us feel like we matter, make us feel needed. That means if you never ask your friends for favors, they don’t get that satisfaction of feeling needed by you,” says Carlin Flora, author of the book, “Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are.”
3. Make time. Getting to know someone takes time. It’s an emotional investment. You must consistently make space in your schedule for others. When you make a commitment, put it on your calendar. Protect that time, just as you would honor a work commitment. In the book, “Friendship: Development, Ecology, and Evolution of a Relationship,” author Daniel Hruschka notes that a source of major tension among friends is either backing out on commitments or not giving enough time. Ultimately, making time for someone is the clearest indicator that you care about and value that person.
   
4. Go play. Participating in activities that bring you joy — mahjong, a book club, art class, sports team, or hiking club — is a natural way to connect with like-minded folks. AARP has many virtual classes to check out and local libraries and community centers are usually good resources for classes and events. Social websites such as Meetup can help you find your people, too.
   
5. Smile. This sounds simple, but it’s powerful. Studies show that a smiling face pulls us in and holds our attention and that people are attracted to positive emotions. And keep in mind that happiness can be “contagious,” according to results of the long-running Framingham Heart Study that followed more than 4,700 adults ages 21 to 70, reported in 2008 in the BMJ. Support and happiness: That’s what friendship is all about.

Rachel Noble is a therapist, presenter and writer in Washington, D.C.