Assessment
Does Stress Affect Your Sex Life?
4 ways to keep your love life strong
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- Chronic stress raises cortisol levels, which may weaken your sex drive
- Sex is a stress reliever — it increases feel-good hormones, including endorphins
Does too much stress ruin your love life? It’s entirely possible. Chronic stress raises levels of the hormone cortisol, which may weaken your sex drive. Stress can also lead to headaches, depression, loneliness, fatigue and even indigestion — all of which dampen desire.
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When stressed out, we’re also less likely to focus on healthy habits, such as exercising, sleeping well and eating right. That kind of self-neglect can further dampen libido.
Stress is on the rise, statistics show, and that may be affecting our sex lives. In 2022, roughly 32 percent of Americans ages 50 to 59 had gone without sex in the past year, up from 18 percent in 2018, according to Nick Wolfinger, professor in the Department of Family and Consumer Studies at the University of Utah, who analyzed data from the 2023 General Social Survey, conducted biannually by the University of Chicago’s National Opinion Research Center. Forty-five percent of respondents in a 2023 AARP study said they were not having sex as often as they wished.
“When someone manages stress poorly, it affects all areas of their life, and they may avoid sex altogether,” says Kristen Lilla, a certified sex therapist in Omaha, Nebraska. And according to a new Kinsey-Match survey, the desire for a fulfilling sex life doesn’t end at age 50.
As stress increases, sex life decreases
Seventy-five percent of Americans said they’re experiencing at least one symptom of stress in the American Psychological Association’s annual “Stress in America” survey, released in October 2024. Of those respondents, 35 percent cited fatigue and 14 percent noted a change in sex drive; and 9 percent of men blamed stress for erectile dysfunction.
We experience stress for a reason. The stress response is part of a defense system that helps us when we’re threatened: It’s what spurred our prehistoric ancestors to run when confronted by saber-toothed tigers. Even today, stress isn’t always bad. It can motivate you to get things done.
Unfortunately, prolonged stress can lead to unintentional celibacy. And sex has many health benefits, from boosting our immune system to reducing the risk of prostate cancer.
“When a person has sex under [stressful] circumstances, their brain may be so distracted by stressful situations that their body becomes tense,” Lilla says. That tension can reduce sexual function and pleasure. Stress can also increase performance anxieties.
“Men are taught to believe they want sex no matter what, which may create more pressure and less pleasure,” says Lisa B. Schwartz, a psychotherapist in Yardley, Pennsylvania who focuses on sexuality. “The impact of stress can be similar for men and women, but some men think it’s not manly to say, ‘Not tonight, honey.’”
For women, the emotional issues are different. “Women are more likely to feel pressure from a partner to sexually perform, and sex may feel like another thing on their to-do list rather than something that can alleviate stress,” Lilla says.
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Sex for stress relief
Now, let's switch gears and talk about how sex itself can relieve stress. Sex is an excellent stress reliever. It increases endorphins and triggers the release of oxytocin. During the COVID-19 lockdown, men and women who were sexually active were much less likely to report anxiety and depression symptoms, according to a study of 6,821 people in Italy (average age between 21 and 44) published in October 2020 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Here are four stress-busting options that may help improve your sex life.
1. Talk to your partner. “People get trapped in a cycle: They aren’t having sex with their partner, which can make it difficult to get back into a routine,” Lilla says. The solution: Talk with your partner — even if it’s awkward. Studies have found that men and women who discussed sex with their partners increased their enjoyment of sex. Communicating about sex “was positively associated with sexual desire, sexual arousal, lubrication, orgasm, erectile function, less pain and overall sexual function,” a meta-analysis of 48 studies published in February 2019 in The Journal of Sex Research found. Communication is also important as we age. In a study of nearly 3,500 people ages 55 to 74, sexual satisfaction was “strongly associated with the quality of communication,” researchers at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine reported in 2019 in the journal PLOS One. Consider professional help from a marriage counselor or sex therapist, if needed.
2. Manage your stress. Determine what helps you relax. It could range from reading or golfing to meditation and yoga, from spending time with friends to taking a hot bath. “Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or lavish,” Lilla says — although the occasional indulgence, such as a relaxing massage, can also reduce stress.
3. Re-create vacation at home. “A lot of couples have great sex on vacation, but when they get home, daily stresses resurface and they won’t have sex for months,” Lilla says. Replicate your vacation activities, she suggests, whether it’s eating dinner together at the table (not in front of the TV) or enjoying a leisurely walk.
4. Ease up on smartphone scrolling and leave work at work. Americans spend, on average, at least 4.5 hours a day on their phones — and that screen time can boost stress. In a study of 467 people ages 18 to 74 that blocked the internet from smartphones for two weeks, those who stuck most closely to the no-internet rule reported higher well-being and greater attention spans.
In a March 2017 study of 159 married couples, researchers at Oregon State University found that employees who carried stress home with them — answering emails or ruminating about work — were significantly less likely to have sex that night, says Keith Leavitt, a management professor in OSU’s College of Business. Conversely, those who enjoyed a healthy sex life reported higher levels of job satisfaction.
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