Challenges

Quick Win
Pick a partner and set aside 45 minutes for a deep conversation.
Why
Asking questions can help people open up and spark meaningful conversations. In a well-known study published in 1997 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Arthur Aron found that his curated list of 36 questions created more closeness between participants than a small-talk exercise. These questions start with a gradual sharing of information and get more personal as you progress throughout the exercise, says Aron, a social psychology research professor at Stony Brook University in New York. “Not too much, not too fast.” Per Aron, this exercise works because participants feel heard, that they are liked by the person they are trading answers with, and they are able to find things they have in common. “These three components help to form a bond.”
Try This Today
- Select a person you’d like to get closer to. It could be your spouse, mother, child or neighbor.
- Schedule a time to chat. This can be done in person or via videoconferencing like Zoom or Skype.
- Make sure the person is comfortable getting a little candid. Give your partner a heads-up that you’re going to be engaging in some deeper questions.
Spend 15 minutes asking each other questions from Set I. Ask the questions in alternating order so that each person gets a turn at answering a new question first. After 15 minutes, move on to Set II. Then, devote the final 15 minutes to Set III.
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
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